


this is not where it ends

by lovecamedown



Series: finnrey drabbles & ficlets [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), and a wee bit of, basically rey's internal monologue through the 'thank you my friend' scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-27 07:57:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9984176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovecamedown/pseuds/lovecamedown
Summary: Rey isn’t really sure how to articulate how she feels for Finn.There's so much she wants to say, but not nearly enough time or words to say any of it.But she has to try.She has to try.





	

He can’t hear her.

Can he hear her?

Maybe he can. Maybe he can.

But maybe he _can’t_.

Rey has no idea how a medically induced coma works.

Does he even know she’s _here_?

Yes. _Yes_. She has to believe that he knows she’s here; that he can feel her presence, strong and caring, reaching out to him, trying to let him know that she cares for him and that he’s not alone.

That he never will be again.

Rey isn’t really sure how to articulate how she feels for Finn. It’s been so long that everything’s been lonely and isolated in her life that the idea of feeling anything warm and fuzzy towards another person is slightly alien to her; let alone the idea of actually putting those feelings in to words.

But she has to try.

 _She has to try_.

Her eyes look him all over, tears stinging at them when, for a split second, the thought crosses her mind that if she had gone with him – if she had said _yes, let’s go, let’s run away from all of this, let’s be together_ – when Finn had asked her to – _begged_ her to – then none of this would have ever happened.

Finn would be awake, alive, safe. Rey would be awake, alive, safe. They might even be _happy_.

Happiness is such a strange concept to Rey. Or, at least, it _was_ , just two days ago, before any of this happened. Before Finn came along and, quite literally, ran right in to her.

Happiness was a strange concept before circling around Finn in the lounge of the Falcon, grinning at his grin as they gushed compliments at each other; unable to believe that they escaped the first order like that; that they actually might feel happy for once in their lives.

It was a strange concept before she stepped out on to the grass of Takodana for the first time; the warm but kind sun on her skin, the gentle blow of the breeze through her hair, the green surrounding them. Finn coming up behind her and smiling.

And, even though they were in the middle of a life threatening situation when she had run in to Finn, Han and Chewie on Starkiller base, Rey doesn’t remember feeling anything but warmth inside of her at the sight of Finn’s familiar and gentle face.

 _He came back for her_.

There is no way she could have possibly felt anything less than happiness in that moment.

…But if they had run away. If they had gone off together, left all of this behind, then Finn would be safe. He never would have had to fight Kylo Ren. He never would have been sliced up the back and _almost killed_.

 _No_ , Rey steels her thoughts. _We fought for the Galaxy. We did what we had to do. Finn is a hero. He is a hero. He stayed. He fought. Because that's who he is._

Now, Rey’s eyes come back in to focus as she gazes at his face – his face, usually so full of expression, so full of life; now just still, motionless, distant – and she feels like she could cry.

Hope.

That’s always what Rey has been good at holding on to. _Hope_.

 _Have hope_ , the voice in her head says; the voice that kept her going for so long on Jakku. (The voice that, in hindsight, Rey wonders if it was the Force. Giving her that light that Maz talked about.)

_Have hope._

“We’ll see each other again,” Rey manages to whisper, looking at Finn’s face, _gazing_ at him, like maybe if she looks for long enough he’ll wake up and she’ll be able to take him with her. And, as she says it, she even begins to believe it. “I believe that.” Her face softens, though guilt at leaving him tugs at her stomach.

_He would want me to go. To be brave._

Leaning in, Rey takes a deep breath. She wants to cup his face. Wants to run her fingers down his cheeks, feel his heartbeat with her palm; stay here all night and do anything to get him to wake up.

But she can’t.

Instead, she leans in to press her lips to his forehead; softly, decisively, tenderly. This small act of intimacy means so much to her. Days ago, Rey couldn’t even imagine letting anyone so much as touch her arm without feeling panic rise through her; but this is Finn. Everything feels right with Finn. Everything makes her want to touch him; to hold his hand or hold him close.

Her lips don’t leave his forehead for a few long seconds, because she doesn’t want to pull away. So badly – _so, so badly_ – she wishes she could stay here and curl up with him and press her lips to his forehead all night, whispering words of comfort to him; begging him to wake up.

But it’s like she can hear what he would say to her.

_Go, Rey I believe in you. You have to go._

Pulling away, Rey gazes at his face again, swallowing back her tears.

She searches for words to say, for _anything_ that could possibly express how she feels about him; what she feels when she looks at him. Words to express how grateful she is; how she feels like the luckiest girl in the galaxy.

She can only think of two. Two words that express gratitude. They don’t express nearly enough, but there’s time for that in the future.

 _There has to be time for that_.

“Thank you, my friend.”

 _Thank you for trusting me. For trusting me with your hand and your smile and your name and your past and your_ **_life_ ** _._

_Thank you for being trustworthy. Thank you for being the first person I’ve ever truly trusted. I trusted you with my hand too; and my smile, and my name, and my past, and my life. Now I trust you to survive; to see me again._

_Thank you for being my friend. For making me laugh. For fighting for me._

_Thank you for coming back for me. It’s all I’ve ever wanted anyone to do. I will never be able to thank you enough for that._

_But, most of all, thank you for being the one thing I’ve been searching for – waiting for – my whole life._

She walks away and, for a moment, feels a pang of guilt.

But then it's like, somehow, she can hear Finn's voice in her head. He knows she's doing the right thing, and he wants to tell her.

“Go, Rey,” he says, and she doesn't know if it's her imagination or if he really is somehow speaking to her, but his voice is so clear in her head and, real or not, she hopes she never forgets it. “Find your home.”

Rey smiles to herself. “I don't need to,” she replies silently, hoping that somehow, _somehow_ , he can hear her. “I found that in you.”

_Thank you for being home._

**Author's Note:**

> This is kind of a prelude to my fic i'm coming home (from all the places i have been), because it kind of goes on to explore their bond in the force and how they really can speak to each other even when Finn is in his coma. Whether Finn actually can talk to her in that final scene in this fic though, well, I thought I'd leave that up to the reader.  
> (I like to think he really could.)  
> Thank you for reading! I really do hope you enjoyed it. Do leave kudos if you did, and comments are always so appreciated! <3 
> 
> Love :* xxx


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